Who would have thought I would be more nervous about a CPM consult than an OB appointment?

I called and set my consult with a local CPM (certified professional midwife) earlier this week. I will meet with her next Wednesday. This is just an initial consult to see how we are together and to see ifshe would consider taking me on during this pregnancy, talk about birth and delivery etc… I just started getting apprehensive about this consult. I have never been apprehensive about any other doctor appointment. So I have tried to figure out why this is so different. Then it hit me. This is one situation where if the answer is no I don’t really have any other options. If an OB doesn’t want to take me on there are a ton of other OB’s out there. I guess if I lived in my own home instead of living as a live in companion I wouldn’t be quite as apprehensive. Since then I would have a few more options should the answer at this consult be no. I really want to have this CPM because she has done this for years and has the added benefit of having birth suites in her home. So unless it was absolutely needed I wouldn’t have to set foot in a hospital. If we lived in our own place there are a few other midwives in the area that could be an option. However,that is not the case. So I guess what really has me more apprehensive is the fact that there is a chance I might have to return to the hospital to have this baby. Don’t get me wrong I know that there are lots of women that prefer to have their babies in the hospital and lots of situations that hospitals are needed for births. However, I had a normal pregnancy with Edwin. I had a normal birth with him. I really see no need to be in the hospital where I am outside of my comfort zone and people are telling me what to do instead of listening to my own body.There were constant interruptions as I was trying to work through my contractions. I am so glad that I have Alex’s support with this. I talked with my mom today and I think she’s finally coming on board.

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